I've talked to both John and Cindy several times today with updates on TJ. They changed his bandage today, and he apparently, "stapled my head and it fucking hurt!" lol. He didn't like that too much. When I got there he was sleeping, so I just carefully leaned in and rubbed his shoulders for a bit, and he rolled over and woke up. He talked quite a bit with me actually, and was very excited to see me. (Cindy called to make sure I was going down there..."Hey Beck, you're coming down some time tonight right?...He's asking about you, making sure you're coming. I told him you had homework to do, and he said he understood, but he's really looking forward to you coming....") I sat there and held his hand, and was just there, and he looked me straight in the eyes and told me thank you for coming down, and for being there, and that he loved me. (i started to get all teary eyed) And then I realized that he was starting to cry - - - -and I asked why, and his response was, "I'm scared Becky. I'm just so scared." "Scared about what?" "I dunno exactly. If I knew, I would tell you but I dunno." *insert sobbing here*

I felt so bad. I wish there was something I could do to ease the pain, make it go away, something. They pulled the cords out today, so they could hook him up to the EEG machine (They were inside the bandages yesterday...so that was kinda hard to see him like that. They are MUCH bigger this time - -think like the cable cord that you hook to your TV - - that size, several of them, attached to his head...along with IV's and a catheter and things on his legs to make sure he circulates just fine, etc. It's really hard to see if you aren't prepared for it.

I finally got him talking, told him some things about his surgery that he would only take best from me - about how the surgery didn't go quite as planned....which he didn't like much. I explained it so he could understand, but I wonder how much he really gets from all of this being that he's so heavily drugged and still in severe pain. I however, did get him laughing/smiling for quite a bit of the time I was there, which I think he needed desperately.

Here's the funny thing tho - - he doesn't remember seeing John or Cindy yesterday. He vaguely remembers conversations with them, but he accurately remembers me...seeing me, talking with me, etc. heh...what do you make of that one?

Anyway - - more tomorrow, and photos tomorrow night if things go the way I have them planned. It's late and I'm exhausted...emotionally, mentally and physically.