When we were talking on the phone earlier yesterday, I asked him if he would mind if I left my mail going to his place for now, and then forward it after I moved into my apartment. He said that we would "talk about it tomorrow," *his cable is still in my name, so that was part of my excuse, I didn't want to get his bill*
Then he asked me where I was moving to, and I told him the name of the complex and in a split second he asked, "Who are you living with?" with this tone in his voice that sounded almost hurt.
"Myself" was my reply.
"But you can't afford it can you? Aren't they expensive?"
"Nope, not too bad actually...$470 for a third floor, one bedroom, balcony, 758 square foot, pet friendly apartment"
"Ahh, I thought they were more expensive than that."
"Nope"
He's worried about me, and checkin up on me, and everything...
I don't get it.
Part of me thinks he loves me and wants to be with me. I so hope that's true, but in the same sense, I'm not getting my hopes up.
After all of this, and everything in the previous entry....I can't help but wonder.
We'll find out tonight when I see him. I know nothing will happen right away, but if we could at least, maybe, try and work things out...that would mean everything to me. He kinda hinted that he might want to, but he also said he wasn't sure what he wanted and was tired, so who knows.
Tonight....I will know. But if nothing else, I'm going to be the friend he needs right now, and I want nothing more than for him to be happy. As much as it will eat away at me, and how much it will hurt if its not me - - - All I want is for his happiness, and I will get over it and accept his friendship, because I WILL NOT let him walk out of my life like I did before.
I love him. I know that, and I know what love is. After everything, I should hate him, and want nothing to do with him.
Maybe I'm stupid, maybe I'm not, but I'm in love with this man, and I want him more than anything. I'm willing to forgive, but I will never forget. Trust will take some work, but I'm up for it.....love conquers all and will get us through this, and if it's meant to be - - It will be.
I'm just reminded of how Bev and her husband went through the same thing - - on and off for 4 years and then got married, and the first year was rough, but she stuck by him and things changed and they've been happily married for the last 35 years.
It could happen. Get my hopes up? No...hope so? pray for it? YES!
I love him. I love him. I love him.