I can't explain it to anyone, or talk to anyone about it because they just don't know...

-what it's like to be to scared to close your eyes because all you ever dream about is a nasty car accident.

-what it's like to miss the man so badly - yet you didn't even know him.

-what it's like to have so much anger all pent up inside because he never bothered to be involved.

-what it's like to have feelings you don't think are justified.

-what it's like to feel so abandoned because he missed out on all the important things in your life, but dammit - he raised her kids.

-what it's like to know what he did to your "family" but still love him in some sort of way.

-what it's like to not have any memories of you and your father, except for waiting by the picture window in the living room for him to show up for hours on end - knowing in your heart that the phone is going to ring and he is "stuck at work"

-what it's like, knowing at 6 years old, that your dad isn't going to come see you.

-what it's like to be so mad at yourself for being angry with him all the time.

-what it's like to not ever experience childhood because your parents (Mom, Dad and Step-dad) forced you into an adult world at the age of 5.

-what it's like to be so scared that something is going to happen to the rest of your family and all your close friends.

-what it's like to be terrified to get into your car and drive for any extended period of time.

-what it's like to be scared to death of other drivers, especially when the road conditions suck.

-what it's like to want to SCREAM at the people who talk about them driving, but being so tired they can hardly keep their eyes open, or about how they drift off here and there.

-what it's like to be so stressed out because you are being pulled in 900 different directions everyday.

-what it's like not knowing how to relax.

-what it's like not knowing how to trust other people.

-what it's like to live a day in my world.